Story
Athens. 4th century BC. The greatest city in the ancient world. The birthplace of democracy, of philosophy, and of the most valuable form of power in Greek civilization, rhetoric.
In Athens, there were no lawyers. And no courts as we know them today. If you had a grievance, a claim, an accusation, you stood up in front of a jury 500 or more citizens and made it yourself. The people who heard your case would vote based almost entirely on who was more persuasive. You had to argue your case yourself. And it ultimately didn’t matter who was right, it mattered who was most persuasive.
When Demosthenes was seven years old, his father - a wealthy sword-maker - died. His appointed guardians did what corrupt people do with other people’s money, they spent it. By the time Demosthenes came of age, his inheritance (land, money and even a working factory) was nearly gone.
His guardians were not concerned or afraid of him. They had watched him grow up. He was physically frail, had a speech disorder and was a poor speaker. And in Athens, if you could not speak, you could not win, regardless of whether you were right. Enforcement of the law was not a matter of facts. It was a matter of whoever stood before five hundred men and persuaded them. These guardians had the confidence to steal from Demosthenes because they knew he couldn’t fight back.
He tried anyway. His first attempt at speaking publicly before the Athenian assembly ended in humiliation. The crowd didn’t just ignore him, or disagree with him. They jeered and mocked him. He had a weak voice, a stammer, short breath, and poor delivery. He was laughed off the platform. He tried to speak again another time and they refused to hear him. He was taunted and insulted publicly by his guardians.
This is where most people’s story ends. Their failure confirms what they already believe about themselves. Their setbacks become permanent verdicts. Demosthenes knew he was a poor speaker, but he resolved not to remain one.
He went to see one of the greatest actors and speakers in Athens, Satyrus. He told him about his father’s death, the stolen inheritance and his failure to defend himself. Satyrus asked Demosthenes to recite a passage from a Greek tragedy. Demosthenes did. Then Satyrus performed the same passage back to him.
The difference was immediate and clear to Demosthenes. What he had delivered was flat, lifeless, and unconvincing. Satyrus spoke in such a way that the passage came alive. What was the difference between him and Satyrus? Satyrus saw himself as a great communicator. Demosthenes saw himself as frail, strange, uncultured and uneducated. It wasn’t the speech impairment, or the crowd, it was how he saw himself.
Demosthenes resolved to do everything he could to become a great orator. He created a disciplined program to work on his diction, voice, delivery and gestures. Demosthenes built an underground study to practice speaking. He would also shave half his head to force himself to stay inside and practice instead of going out in public. He ran uphill while reciting speeches to build breath control. He would speak loudly at the seashore over crashing waves to learn to project above noise. He placed small stones in his mouth to train his tongue to form words clearly, and practiced in front of a large mirror for hours.
Eventually, he prosecuted his guardians and won. Demosthenes became the greatest communicator in the ancient world. He made his living as a rhetorician, wrote speeches for wealthy and powerful men, and became a teacher of rhetoric.
Truth
Think about this: your performance is a reflection of your self-esteem, not a measurement of it.
Most people think the opposite. They think when they do well, they are worth something. And when they don’t, they aren’t. These people are constantly at the mercy of their results - or lack thereof. Every setback makes them want to quit. Every critical statement is like a stab in the heart. The gap between where they are and where they want to be becomes the reason for them to believe they will never get there.
Think about driving a car. Very few people get behind the wheel thinking they will wreck. It’s not arrogance for you to get in your car everyday, believing you will make it to your destination safely. Your confidence in your driving ability is not fake or manufactured. It is the accumulation of your training and experience. When you first started driving, you may have been afraid, but over time, there is none. This is what people miss most often about self-esteem. You aren’t comfortable because you tell yourself you’re a good driver. You’re comfortable because you have driven enough times to know you have become a good driver. You have evidence.
Alex Hormozi said it this way: “You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self doubt.”
If you want to win, you need self-esteem. If you want self-esteem, you need to build it. To build self-esteem, you need to work to build it. Your outer success - or lack thereof - is a reflection if the inner price you have been willing to pay to cultivate confidence in yourself.
This is why nothing is more important than how you see yourself.
And there is no greater work than the work you do on yourself.
Practice
Demosthenes developed a training program to develop himself and is self-esteem. Denis Waitley was a naval aviator who became a motivational speaker, writer and consultant. He spent a lot of his life studying the psychology of success and described 10 daily action steps for self-esteem:
Greet everyone you meet with a smile.
Smiling is the first, and easiest thing you can do to add value to any room you are in.
Answer the phone pleasantly.
Small moments are where you train yourself to act like a winner.
When you are driving, listen to something that helps you grow.
Turn your car into a classroom.
Invest in coaching.
Winners always have people in their life who correct, direct and encourage them in their greatness journey.
When someone compliments you, say thank you.
Do not play it down. Deflecting a compliment is not humility — it is a small act of self-deprecation.
Do not brag.
Only the insecure need to talk about their achievements. The confident let the results speak for themselves.
Do not share your problems with people who are not part of the solution.
Venting teaches you to tell the wrong story. Anyone who can hear your problems and not be a part of the solution will not help you see yourself better. They will only agree with your negativity.
Find a “master mind” and become a “master mime.”
Find someone you see as a master, and do everything you can to imitate their greatness.
Look at your mistakes as the tuition you pay for greatness.
My dad has always said “you never lose if you learn.” The only true failure is a failure to learn. You are not failing. You are paying the price of an education that cannot be found in any classroom.
Spend one day a week doing something you really love.
It’s hard to enjoy yourself when you don’t enjoy your life.
Pick 1, 3, 5 or even all 10 and start applying them to your life. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results.