39 lessons from 39 years

in no particular order

I turned 39 today.

In my 20’s, I learned that they are all about laying a foundation for your life. Get as much information and education as you can.

I’ve learned that your 30’s are all about growth and development. That’s where your information and education should become application.

Growth and development sounds fun. Adversity doesn’t. Really, it seems like your 30’s are a time of tremendous adversity. The death of dreams and realizing that a lot of stuff you wanted to happen, or planned to happen probably isn’t going to happen.

What’s the difference between growth and adversity? Perspective.

This was something I have in my 30’s that I didn’t really have in my 20’s. My 20’s were the worst time in my life. Not because the worst things happened to me. But because my thinking was so poor. The only thing that could make a bad situation worse is by thinking negatively about it. I was a master of negativity throughout my 20’s.

My 30’s have had more adversity and struggle than my 20’s. However, I have grown, because I have learned so much, and applied a fair amount of it too.

I’ve heard that a person’s 40’s are the time where they begin producing wealth like they never have before. My dad says that your 40’s are about “trials, transitions and triumphs.” What does that mean? I think the 40’s are a culmination of all the things you learned (or didn’t) in your 20’s. And all the things you applied (or didn’t) in your 30’s.

Either you have laid a good foundation or you haven’t. Time is always the test. You can lie to yourself in your 20’s. You can lie to everyone else in your 30’s. In your 40’s is where the fruit shows up, or doesn’t. Transitions are going to happen, but the difference between the trial or the triumph is all the work you did (or didn’t) do.

With that said, as I end the 30’s over the next 12 months. Here’s what I’ve learned (and hopefully applied) in no particular order.

1. Faithfulness (showing up tomorrow) is the key to all success. Even when it feels like it’s not.

2. Acting your way into a feeling is WAY HARDER than feeling your way into an action. But it’s also that much better.

3. Anyone can do something for a year, or two, or 3. But very few can commit to the long-term.

4. It’s my job to pour my cup out, not to fill up someone else’s.

5. You don’t get to decide who loves you for you.

6. Focusing on what you can’t control is the worst thing you could ever do.

7. Anxiety is THE SIGN that you are focusing on what you can’t control.

8. Blessings and battles don’t happen in different seasons. They always happen together.

9. The difference between growth and punishment is perspective.

10. Boundaries aren’t really about the other person. They’re about you.

11. Having one great friend is worth losing all your bad friends.

12. When you focus on the wrong things, you miss the main thing.

13. I always have the option of having no opinion (Marcus Aurelius)

14. Stop trying to fit in to things. Reframe them instead.

15. Life is a collection of experiences. You can’t accumulate great ones separate from bad ones. Good and bad both happen. But what’s the ratio of good to bad? 50:50, 60:40, 80:20? That’s all a matter of perspective.

16. The implementation of something new often requires the elimination of something old.

17. Anywhere in your life where you do not see the future is already dead. If you want something to live, you have to see the future of it.

18. You should trust people more than you trust processes.

19. Your responsibility is to do your best work. God’s responsibility is to reward you. Do not work for rewards from anyone, or expect them to value your work.

20. Only in recognizing and accepting your reality can you transcend it.

21. Average players want to be left alone so they can slide by. Great players seek out coaching.

22. You are never unhappy because of someone or something else.

23. You’re never just talking to the person you’re talking to. You’re talking to all the people they will talk to.

24. Sowing seed is not the same as having a funeral.

25. Never go to battle where there are no spoils.

26. If most people aren’t living their dreams, why listen to their feedback?

27. If you have to explain a behavior, it’s probably a weakness.

28. In every situation, you’re either making it better or worse.

29. Your next level is determined by how much you love correction.

30. People are into talent, God is into character.

31. If you understand the nature of people, you will understand their actions.

32. Expecting people that do not share your values to be guided by them is foolishness.

33. There’s 3 things you will always have in life: pain, uncertainty, and hard things. Enjoying life means learning to love the process of dealing with them.

34. There’s a difference between the quality of decisions and the quality of outcomes. Make quality decisions and outcomes will take care of themselves.

35. Don’t try to teach people who don’t want to learn from you.

36. God doesn’t activate you, he redirects you. Hard work is your responsibility. The direction of that work is God’s responsibility.

37. The only thing God will never surrender to you is timing.

38. Knowing something works ≠ knowing how it works.

39. If you’re not going to push the envelope, don’t write the letter.

“Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness.” / George Bernard Shaw

“If you cannot risk, you cannot grow. If you cannot grow, you cannot become your best. If you cannot become your best, you cannot be happy. If you cannot be happy, what else matters?” / Dr. David Viscott